Before Lap Band Surgery

Today is April 2cd 2011 my first post of my blog. I decided I was going to document my weight journey, (the good the bad and the skinny).  I have officially been waiting for my insurance approval for surgery for about two weeks now. Its been 4 months since I've started this whole process and I'm getting very impatient. As I look back and see the process. It was all very in depth, all to make sure you know what your getting yourself into. But heck i believe you don't really know something until you experience it... Looking back the 4 months have been long but well worth it thus far. I have really had the opportunity to help myself come to understand and accept the life changes i need to make ahead. For me talking about weight and weight loss is a very touchy subject. My whole life i haven't really ever said out loud how i truly feel about my weight and how i view myself. Let me start out by telling you a little bit about myself. I go by Nikki, I'm 100% Italian American, which that should tell you food is a big part of my life. My mom and dad have been divorced since I was just 2 years old and went on to have other families.. (My brothers and sister). Enough about them this is suppose to be about me. My dad is a owner / chef of an Italian restaurant that's been in the Brooklyn New York area for well over 60 years (Anthony's Place). So again food has been a big part of my life. I'm 25 years old and my whole life this far has been over weight. Everyone in my family are average or skinny so no one really ever talked to me about things like this. I remember when i was little my dad would laugh and tell me "do you really need a donut or a chip" when i was just 7-8 years old. Yes that did effect me. I have an addiction to food for sure.. I just came to say that out loud, which is VERY hard. After lunch I'm thinking what are we having for dinner. Don't get my wrong I don't feel like a huge girl but lately I'm beginning to realize I'm so unhappy all these years because I'm not suppose to be like this. I believe I need to see how life is as a skinny girl. Ive never known how things would be like as a skinny girl. How to go shopping at normal stores or to even chase after my 2 1/2 year old son who is full of energy. Every time we play it cant be for long because i get out of breath. Anyone that has had the same history / situation as me i believe are the only people that would understand what I'm going through. I believe the decision to have Lap Band surgery was the best decision i have ever made, and I'm still in the process of trying to get it. I believe it will change my life and help even my family out tremendously. I have always been the fat girl out of all my friends or the nice friend to the hot boys.